Distant Heart Read online

  “Swooping Eagle?”

  “He’s still alive,” she said grimly. “At least he was when they carried him off. You shot him in the arm, but it was bleeding a lot.”

  “Where am I?”

  “My wagon. You’ve been here for three days.”

  Alarm shot through him and he tried to sit up. Pain seared his side causing him to suck in a sharp breath. “I can’t stay here, Miss Toni.”

  “Don’t be silly. You can’t get up. It took three men to get you settled into the wagon in the first place. If you try to move, you’ll open that wound and we’ll have to start all over again.”

  “It is not right for me to stay.” How could she be so careless? “You’ve worked too hard to redeem yourself, Miss Toni. This doesn’t look right.”

  “Sam,” she said slowly, smiling down at him. “Do you honestly think I have a reputation to protect? No one in this wagon train will think any better of me if I throw you out of the wagon and leave you to care for yourself. Which, by the way, you are in no shape to do anyway. Blake approves of the arrangement so there’s really nothing you can say about it.” Her lips curved into a soft smile as she softened the blow. “Ginger and I are sleeping in a tent just outside. So don’t worry. I’m not going to be sleeping in here while you are.”

  He smiled. “Good.”

  “Are you in pain?”

  “Yes.”

  “All we have to help is whiskey. I could bring you some if you want.”

  Again he smiled. “Indians and whiskey don’t mix well. And even if I didn’t have Indian blood, I have convictions against drinking liquor.”

  Her face darkened to red. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have offered.”

  On impulse, Sam took her hand. “You were being thoughtful.”

  She snatched her fingers away as though his touch caused her pain. “I’ll be back in a few minutes with some soup. Try to rest in the meantime. It-it’ll help with the pain if you stay unconscious until you’re better.”

  Sam closed his eyes, berating himself for not thinking before he intertwined his fingers with hers. She must think he was taking advantage of their precarious situation. He would force himself to stay awake so that when she returned he could apologize.

  Toni’s hands trembled and her stomach fluttered as she climbed down from the wagon. Being this close to a man in such an intimate setting had bothered her more than she had anticipated. But she had to be strong for now. Remind herself that Sam wouldn’t take advantage of her. Even if he had the strength to do so.

  “Toni!” From inside their tent, Ginger bellowed for the tenth time in less than an hour.

  With a weary sigh, Toni slipped into the tent. “What is it this time, Ginger?”

  “Well, for mercy’s sake, you don’t have to be hateful about it do ya? I ain’t exactly here cause I want to be, ya know.”

  “I’m sorry, Ginger. You’re right. What can I do for you?”

  “I can’t get this dadburned pillow to sit right at my neck. I feel like I’m getting a crick or something.”

  “Here, let me help.” Toni remained calm as she adjusted the feather pillow. “Better?”

  A smile broke out on the young woman’s face and Toni couldn’t help but notice what a pretty girl she could be. One thing was for certain, she would have to be bathed now. And with Toni playing caretaker, the girl had no choice but to accept the inevitable.

  “I’m getting some buffalo stew for Sam. I’ll bring you some first if you can eat on your own.”

  “Why couldn’t I? It’s my leg ailin’, not my arms.”

  “All right then, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Toni stopped and then turned as though she’d just had a thought. “I’ve managed to round you up a fresh set of clothing.”

  “I ain’t wearin’ a dress.” She faced Toni with one eyebrow raised and folded her arms across her chest for emphasis. “Never have. Never will.”

  Toni had to wonder about a girl that had never worn a dress. At least Fannie had only taken to wearing trousers as a way to manage the harsh trail. And she had recently discovered bloomers worked just as well and most of the women on the trail wore them, so Blake didn’t object.

  Toni focused her attention back to Ginger. “It’s all right. I wouldn’t dream of asking you to wear a dress. As a matter of fact, Fannie’s given up trousers and has a couple of pair for you.”

  A smile broke out across her face. “That’s fine. Tell her thank-e-kindly. Once this dadburn leg heals up enough, I’ll wear them proudly.”

  “Oh, one more thing. I’m not giving you the trousers unless you take a bath.”

  Ginger’s jaw dropped. “Wha…? Are you daft? I can’t be gettin’ my leg in no water. The shock’d likely kill me.”

  “Relax. I wouldn’t dream of getting you in the water just yet.”

  “Don’t scare me like that then.”

  “When you’re ready for clothes. THEN you’ll have a bath.”

  Ginger scowled. “You’re bossy.”

  “You have no idea.” Toni gave a chuckle. “I’ll bring your supper right away.”

  “No hurry. I lost my appetite just thinking about a bath. Feed Two-Feathers first.”

  Blake waited two more days before visiting Sam. He figured after almost a week, his friend was up to a visitor and he needed some answers. He slipped inside the wagon and watched as Sam’s chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm that indicated he slept peacefully.

  Instinct, born of years as a tracker, trained to be alert even in sleep, opened Sam’s eyes. He blinked at Blake. “I was beginning to think you’d forgotten about me.”

  Blake grinned. “Under strict orders from your nurse. Toni refused to allow me to set foot in here until you were strong enough.”

  “Then I suppose it’s good news for me that you’re here.”

  “I’m allowed ten minutes and three are gone.”

  “The Cheyenne?”

  “Haven’t seen hide nor hair of them since the attack.”

  “Miss Toni said I shot Swooping Eagle in the arm. He’s probably already planning another attack.”

  Blake shrugged. He’d been worried about the same thing. Especially since they’d been sitting, exposed, at the foot of the Black Hills since the battle. “How long before you’re up to sitting a horse?”

  “Now.”

  “Let’s give it a little more time.”

  Sam gave a heavy sigh. “We’ve lost more time on this trail than any since we’ve been doing this together. We left out of Independence nearly four months ago. The longest it’s ever taken to get a train to the valley is five months. But from the looks of it it’s going to be at least another three.”

  Blake didn’t deny it. “We’ll be all right, as long as we make it through the South Pass in the next couple of weeks. Any later and we’ll be forced to backtrack and camp outside of Fort Laramie until spring.”

  “I don’t want to take any chances with Toni.” Sam’s firm tone confirmed what Blake had suspected for some time.

  “You planning to ask her to marry you?”

  A frown marred Sam’s brow and for a moment, Blake wondered if he was wrong.

  “Miss Toni is a white woman. She isn’t for the likes of me.”

  Blake gave a short laugh. “Do you honestly think she’s too good for you? The woman was a…”

  “Don’t say it.” Sam’s eyes glittered with warning. “Toni is a good woman. She deserves a chance at a new life.”

  Blake knew there was no point in arguing. He figured Toni had probably changed, right enough, but the proof would be after they arrived in Oregon and the real work began. Then they’d see if she was going to return to her former profession. But no point in bringing that up again and making Sam all defensive when the tracker needed all of his energy to get well. “Even if she has changed for good, the fact remains that she isn’t any better than you are, Sam. You’ve lived your life as a good, Christian man. A white man. And you have a right to marry the woman you love i
f she loves you too, and she’d be a downright fool not to.”

  Sam gave him a weak smile. “I only have a right to marry the woman God says I have a right to marry.”

  “And that can’t be Toni?”

  “I don’t see how.”

  “Well, that’s up to you to decide.” Blake wasn’t someone to be involved in the dealings of the heart. All he cared about for now was getting his friend well enough to travel.

  Toni heard enough of Sam’s conversation with Blake to realize he didn’t see a match between them ever working. It was just as well that Sam felt that way, but hearing the words from his lips cut deeply just the same. She had known for months that Sam would never see her as a suitable match, but to hear him flatly say to Blake that God wouldn’t approve of a relationship between the two of them more than proved to Toni that it was time for her to stop wondering if perhaps…just maybe…there might ever be something special between them. The memory of his arms plagued her. She’d hoped that eventually he might be able to love her. Now she knew once and for all that would never ever happen. Her role in Sam’s life right now was nothing more than a nurse. She raised her chin and wiped her eyes and made a decision…never again would she think about a man as a suitor.

  Suitor. What a jest. The only suitor she had ever had was Micah. And all he’d done was steal her innocence and send her into a life of prostitution.

  Sam was right. He was too good for her.

  “Toni!”

  With a sigh, Toni went to the tent where Ginger still lay unable to move around too much. Toni stopped short as she entered. Grant Kelley stood next to her, his lips pursed into a scowl that bespoke his frustration.

  “Good evening, Mr. Kelley,” Toni said. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

  “He’s trying to get me to use that thing,” Ginger huffed, pointing to a funny-looking crutch, rough-hewn from branches. “He wants to kill me.”

  “Thunderation, woman,” Grant exploded. “All I wanted to do was help. But don’t use the dadblamed thing. If you prefer to be an invalid.”

  He let the crutch fall to the ground with a thud and a puff of dust. He whipped around, slid past Toni and exited the tent without another word.

  “Ignorant man,” Ginger muttered. “I’ll be hanged if I ever take anything from that man.”

  Toni shrugged. She walked across the tent and picked up the crutch. “It was a kind thing to do. This might actually help you get up and around soon.”

  “I’ll die before I use it.”

  “That’s awfully stubborn of you considering he was just trying to be kind. Besides, you’ve been complaining about cabin fever. Here’s your chance to get out of here. Why be so bullheaded?”

  “Bullheaded, my eye. Smart is what I’m being. That man doesn’t do anything without a reason. Believe me. I know.”

  Toni smiled. Was it possible Ginger had taken a fancy to the dashing former sheriff?

  She was about to ask, when Fannie appeared. “Hi, you two.”

  “Hi,” Ginger muttered.

  Fannie lifted an eyebrow. “What’s the matter?”

  Ginger scowled, turning her head without answering.

  “Mr. Kelley fashioned a crutch for Ginger to use so she can get around.”

  “Sounds like he’s sweet on you, Ginger.”

  The scowl deepened. “Take it back,” she said through clenched teeth.

  “Why should I?” Fannie laughed. “And besides, why should it upset you? He’s handsome, hardworking, kind. Everything a woman could ask for in a husband.”

  “Husband!”

  Toni thought Ginger would explode. The girl swung her legs around to the side of the cot, groped for the crutch, and used it to stand. She hopped on one leg until she stood directly in front of Fannie. “There’s a lot you don’t know about Grant Kelley. If I had my way, he’d be strung up on the closest tree. So don’t try to tease me as though he means something to me. I despise him. And I won’t be happy until he’s dead.”

  So saying, the girl maneuvered the crutch and exited the tent for the first time in a week.

  In bewildered silence, Toni and Fannie watched her leave. “What do you think that was all about?”

  Toni gave a shrug. “I have no idea. I’ve stopped trying to figure out that girl.” She took in the welcome sight of her friend. “What brings you to my part of camp? I’ve hardly seen you at all since the attack.”

  “Blake has me cooking for all the families who lost loved ones.”

  “But you don’t cook.”

  Fannie sighed. “I know. So far Miss Sadie has been doing most of the cooking. But she’s under the weather tonight. So I’m in need of some help.” She gave Toni a hopeful look. “I hate to put something else on your shoulders. But I truly don’t know how I’ll feed twenty people without help.”

  Toni owed this young woman everything. If Fannie hadn’t agreed to let Toni come along when she left Hawkins with her brother and sister, Toni would still be working in the rooms above George’s saloon. Fixing a meal for twenty folks or so was a small price to pay for Fannie’s generosity and friendship.

  “What should I fix?”

  Relief crossed Fannie’s face. “Some of the men went hunting this morning. We have venison to roast. And Blake traded a few pelts for some potatoes when we were at Fort Laramie. Is that all right?”

  At the very mention of a venison roast and real potatoes Toni’s mouth began to water. “I’ll walk with you now. We should get it started if we’re going to have supper at a decent hour. It’ll take awhile for the venison roast to tenderize.”

  The two women exited the tent and turned their steps toward Fannie’s wagon. “I sure wish I knew why Ginger insists she can’t abide Mr. Kelley,” Toni said. “Do you think they knew each other before Ginger showed up at Fort Laramie?”

  Fannie gave a shrug. “I didn’t like Blake in the beginning and he didn’t much care for me either. But I had never laid eyes on him until he walked into Tom’s store that day. So maybe they just don’t cotton to each other.”

  “I wonder…” Toni scanned the circle of wagons until her eyes came to rest on Grant Kelley. She shook her head. The man didn’t even notice the stir he caused as he walked by a group of gossiping young belles. “He’s awfully handsome, isn’t he?”

  “Who? Sam?”

  “I meant Mr. Kelley.”

  Fannie snapped to and followed Toni’s gaze. “I suppose so. But what about Sam?”

  “What do you mean, Fannie?”

  The young bride gave a frustrated huff. “I don’t think you should be looking at Grant Kelley. Sam’s a good man.”

  Resentment welled inside of Toni. “I’m not looking at any man that way. I was just observing how Mr. Kelley doesn’t seem to even notice how he’s causing a flutter among those young women. And as far as Sam is concerned…you’re right. He is good. Too good for me and he knows it. So let’s just leave him out of these types of conversations from here on out. Shall we?”

  Toni’s lungs burned and she realized as she gasped for air that she’d spoken so fast, rushing her words, that she hadn’t taken time to breathe.

  Fannie’s lips twisted into a knowing grin.

  “I mean it, Fannie.” Toni stopped and faced her friend. “I have resigned myself to living alone and I don’t want or need to get ideas of romance in my head.”

  As a woman, she had at her disposal ways to get a man interested. And as a woman of her former profession, she knew even more tricks than the average female, but those things weren’t an option. She cared too much for Sam to manipulate him into loving her.

  Ten

  After a seven-day delay, the wagon train was finally ready to move forward again. Calluses had to re-form, muscles that had grown soft had to once again be hardened. Toni kept a watchful eye on Sam as he slowly, day-by-day acclimated to the saddle so that he’d be ready to ride by the time the wagon train moved out.

  Although Toni thought he should rest this evening before
they pulled out in the morning, he had insisted upon sharing from the Bible, something he’d been too weak to do thus far. He stood before the group of pioneers, visibly weak and pale. Bible in hand, he flipped through the well-worn pages until he reached the page he was looking for. Peace settled over his features as be began to read. “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me…”

  Toni listened in rapturous silence. The poetic words fed into her soul, and she could even imagine the voice speaking was God himself. She became lost in the image of Jesus, anointed by God to heal the brokenhearted, to give beauty into a life where filth and sin had once marred even the most lovely of hearts. The way hers had been before Micah showed up. So pure, so innocent. Innocence quickly gave way to experience and that’s where the filth and sin entered. Would she ever feel clean again?

  What had become of Mama and Papa? Did they ever think of her? And if so, were their thoughts good or evil? Did they hate her? Did her brother, Jacob? He was almost a man now. Had her sister Emma given birth to a second or third child? She had been heavy with her first baby when Toni left home. Did Emma ever mention their Aunt Toni?

  She emitted a sigh. Lately, her thoughts often led her home to the Missouri farm where she was raised. How she longed to return to that time before she had been so foolish as to believe a man.

  “…to set at liberty them that are bruised.”

  Tears shot to her eyes as the very bruises she should be free from began to ache so much that heaviness descended and she had difficulty taking a breath.

  A hand on her arm brought her back to the present and she turned to find Ginger staring, a deep frown marring her brow. “What the heck’s wrong with you?”

  Toni flashed a glance about the makeshift congregation. Sure enough, Ginger’s voice had carried and had even caught Sam’s attention. He frowned, but his wasn’t like the rest. It wasn’t condemning or critical or downright angry. His was one of concern. Was she all right? What was wrong?

  His concern felt good. She had to admit. She sent him the slightest of smiles just to reassure him and he went back to his message.